Well, semester 2 has come to an end. It's gonna be a long break till year three starts in late July. Second year is, not really a very illustrious one for me, but rather a fruitful one for me when it comes to learning about my weaknesses and strengths in my work. I've learned alot from my lecturers and also my peers. I am really looking forward to what's to come for year three. I know that the challenges ahead are going to get tougher as we are being propel towards our graduation and getting us ready for the corporate world outside. Hope I can improve myself further in the next semester. My work hasn't been meeting standards lately and I kept producing crap. No, I am no longer being distracted and bugged by my "problems", but rather unable to focus and getting ideas out of my head.
School aside, its time for me take care of my freelance label. I've recently upgraded my workflow to Adobe CS4.
Yea Yea Yea...I know I'm outdated..again...
I am revamping my video workflow and hopes to try out new stuff, both on filming and post-production. On the other hand, I am also revamping my freelance label and trying to give it a new branding and image as compared to our previous one which, in my opinion, is a rather gloomy and unapproachable. A new facebook page for my label has been set up. hope you guys can show us some support. I will try to upload stuff on to it as often if there are any stuff to and also when there is time for me to do so.
Oh yes...search for "Phodeo House" on facebook.
Finally, about my band, things are pretty on the development side. There are no concrete plans laid for the band yet. However, I am optimistic and excited about what's going to come for the band.
Shall update again. =)
Shout
@ 1:03:00 PM
20100402
hi world..
its been quite sometime already since i last blogged. i have some thoughts going through my head, but don't know who to talk to, so i guess writing it out would be a better choice, and at the same time i could brush up my already fucked-up standards of copy-writing.
i am already a quarter of a century old. people around me are improving, getting better with their lives. but it looks like i m still standing at the same spot all the time.
perhaps, i am still the same old me. the same old me with the same temperament, character, mentality. there are people who doesn't like me, but i am glad that there are people who accepts me.
i used to believe in working hard. but sometimes life's just unfair. you don't get recognized for you efforts. someone who skips classes all the time can get more 'A's than a person who attends classes everytime punctually and submit work on time. you try to be nice, no one gives a damn or even wants to take a look at you, but when you do something bad for the first time, they start pointing fingers at you.
sometimes you don't mean to hurt someone, you didn't do it on purpose, you never mean anything, but that someone thinks otherwise. one single mistake, just one single unintentional accident, you are tagged "I HATE YOU, I AM NOT GOING TO FORGIVE YOU" for life.
i am not complaining about my life but rather i don't understand how life works. what must i do to deserve something good? why must we live in the way people wants us to be in order to gain acceptance?
no one understands what's going on my mind. i just have a way of thinking that not many people can accept and agree with.
perhaps that's why i am getting slacker and slacker, almost losing my directions in life. perhaps that is why i can't be bothered to be good or nice anymore. i have failed in many things in life, far too many things, far too many times, with each and everytime, unexplainable. i don't like losing to the people around me in anything that we do. but, how much must i fail to exchange for one success?
who can understand me? seriously..what's wrong? i don't know what i am trying to say either. i just feel disappointed what's all that's going on around me. but i'm glad i still have a bunch of brothers and sisters who's always there for me.
Shout
@ 2:57:00 AM
20100120
The second week of school. I can feel the challenges ahead are drowning me. I am beginning to doubt my abilities. If there's a viagra made for increasing brain power, please give me one.
ok..work aside, I have been thinking thru certain issues lately. the feeling of entanglement into something that I don't have the power to change makes me all the more tired and drained, both physically and mentally. Its not that I don't want to do anything about it, its because I can't. Its as though my hands and legs are tied, my mouth taped.
I understand, you guys will ask me, why I let it drag on and on, doesn't it irritates me and the people around me? Well, it is indeed irritating. Blame it on my stubbornness and the unwillingness to give up on anything that i do. Just like what I did to my lappy the other day. My parents advised me not to tear it apart and repair by myself, but i went against them. After a few hours, I got my lappy fixed and now it is running in a condition as though i just bought it the day before. Yeah, I do trust my own intuition most of the time, but sometimes i get indecisive when i lack the confidence to handle things and go around asking for advices. He tells me I am wrong, she says I am right, they laugh at me as though i am some laughing stock. So, what am i supposed to do? Perhaps, its my confidence tricking me.
I just need time to settle things down. My feelings hasn't changed at all, but the surrounding air is trying to change it. What I can do now is "relac-one-corner" and witness things to happen. Deep inside me, I am like waiting for a flower to bloom in winter. Yeah, I know I sound dumb, but thats me.
I have so much wanting to say, so much wanting to do, but is there room for me to do it? BUT, first, where do i even stand? or am i of any importance? or i am just nothing ever since the beginning?
On the other hand, i will continue to pray for an old friend of mine, and hope that her problems can be resolved, and hope she can get out of the hell she's in. She doesn't deserve all that she's suffering now. But, i believe, her wings will heal one day and she will be flying high like she used to be.
Thanks for listening to my craps and whines. I just want to say, this time, i m not driven by stubbornness, but been driven by what's inside me, that is, my true feelings.
Shout
@ 12:00:00 AM
20100112
Today is the first day of the new semester. We had two lessons today. I can't seem to keep myself focus today. My mind's like drifting to somewhere else and felt very sleepy perhaps due to going to bed super late last night.
I was repairing my lappy once again last night. Did an "overhauling" and software clean up, updates, defrag and stuff, that kept me busy for hours and finally going to sleep at close to 5am. Macbook Pro..stop calling my name...you asshole!!
On the bed, thoughts clouded my mind which make me can't have a proper sleep. Something that took place last night actually left a huge impact in me. Till now, I'm still thinking about that. Its not that I keep thinking about it, it just bothers me so much, and I can't stop thinking about it.
New semester has just started and I am beginning to doubting myself and my abilities. But no matter what, I will still strive on and overcome all the obstacles. I have lost too much last year and this year I will do my very very best, with all my strength to gain back everything.
I don't want to lose away anything anymore. Fight on! Fight hard!
Shout
@ 9:31:00 PM
20091225
Today's Christmas, you guys had fun?
Christmas' the same and usual for me. I can't remember how i spent it last year, but i am alone this year. Back home from buying presents, didn't manage to get what i wanted, and ended up discovering that somebody drank my Carlsberg!
That Carlsberg is my only consolation for Christmas. =/
Alot of things were on my mind during this period of time. This past 1.5 months, is a mix of many thoughts, indecisiveness, emotions, struggles, confusions, lost and gain. In short, a topsy-turvy ride down the road.
2010 is round the corner. Its time to stop the indecisiveness and look ahead to it, leave what should be left behind and bring what matters most into the new year. But there are some things planted so deep in me that, i will still keep it within me. I don't know what will happen down the road, but i will still hold on...and pray.
Copenhagen was a failure, as everyone is so self-centered and did not look at the big picture infront of them, lets pray 2010 will be an improvement and hope a resolution can be reached.
May the peace be with you!! 2010, let us shine brightly. =)